How to Get Your Ex Back [4 Rules]

Getting your ex back has to do with time. You have to allow yourself to have time apart to see if the relationship is worth re-visiting. The question of, "should I get back with my ex?" is a common one. Especially if the relationship was long term. That’s an investment! Those are years you can't get back.

This question always creeps back after some failed dating attempts. Though I don’t recommend getting back with an ex. Only because the breakup happened for a reason. Once in a while, there are exceptions. You know yourself better than I do. If there are still feelings than let's delve into the 4 rules when getting back with your ex.

1. Time has passed.

Allowing months or years to pass means you can get some dating out of your system. This is also a time of reflection and getting to know yourself. That means the same for them. The main thing is, you don’t want to jump back into a relationship with no growth or change. Only time and reflection allow you to see what needs adjusting on both parts. To make the union stronger. How much time needs to pass before talking to an ex? That’s up to you. But I would give it a few months to a year. That’s because if you have strong feelings after a year it’s worth revisiting. But, I find that if you give it the adequate time you’ll often move on. Which is great!

2. You're on the same page.

If the breakup was over a life decision like getting married, moving or having children. People can decide during the break that they want to take those steps now. With the break can come a realization that they feel comfortable taking those steps. If you know deep down that you never want to make that life decision don’t lead a person on. Let them find the person that will give them what they need. They deserve that kind of honesty. I see couples who do not want to lose someone so they lie and say they want - family, marriage or to re-locate. Don’t do that. Reflect and see if the compromise and change are there.

3. You dated as different people.

This falls in the category of older and wiser. Unlike when I first mentioned time passing. This is when you might have dated in high school and now you’ve run into them at the grocery store in your 30s. In this case, it’s like you’re meeting a new person. A lot has changed within those years from adolescence to adulthood. Chances are they’ve matured. Again, this is for reconnecting after a lot of time has passed (think 10 years).

4. You're ready to fix problems.

This is if you're willing to put in the effort to fix past problems. This one is touchy because what people say and what they do are two different things. This includes taking immediate steps to change past behavior. Which sometimes includes couples therapy. If you're both ready to be serious that a second chance at the relationship is possible. Make sure the problems are fixable. You can help a workaholic work less. But if you were with someone that had a strong addiction problem. You can't help them unless they're ready for that.

To see if you want to get back with an ex. Give yourself time to get over them. That means cut off communication and find activities that bring you joy. You’ll often find that you’re better off without them.